So, it's been awhile since my last post.
I guess it's because I think no one bothers to read my thoughts in the vast expanse that is the Internet. That and my life is pretty boring and I'm not running off to change the world.
So, my D&D campaign came to an end about a month ago or so. The party defeated Lolth - or so they think. I'll let them have their victory over the Spider Queen and won't tell them that she's just been Imprisoned somewhere in the Outer Planes by Aielwyn :) Fi (the party Ranger), will have, by this time found that out since she's Ascended.
Started up my new campaign and am more-or-less winging it and making shit up as I go along. Much easier and creative than trying to run a module. But, modules still have their place and are extremely fun if you get your hands on the right one. The new group is made up of a Lawful Good Fighter/Wizard, a Chaotic Good Ranger, a Neutral Good Wizard, and a Chaotic Good Barbarian. Then there's Aurora, the Lawful Good NPC Cleric of Fi (the new Goddess in the pantheon). On deck to be created is an Elven Rogue that will be working with the party.
So far it's gone really well. The party gets along well and there's a willingness to both work together and to remain cohesive through the adventure.
Hmm, what else.
Oh, so, like many people in the civilized world, I have a Facebook account. Recently one of the younger ladies who sometimes pops into my feed (met her at a Gaming Con and added her) whining about her life. I guess this tends to bother me a bit.
First, you're not even 20 yet. You live at home. You have no real bills. You have maybe a car payment, gas, insurance and a phone. You don't pay homeowners/renters insurance. You don't work a thankless and shitty job. You don't buy groceries. You don't generally have a care in the world.
Shut the fuck up. You don't have the right to even complain. How horrible can your life be? Oh, did you have to do homework today? Did you have to sit in class and draw? Oh, you poor poor thing. Get the fuck over it. Remember the $150 I gave you for commissions for the NPC's in my previous game? Yeah.. still don't have them. Why has it taken 7 months to not get sketches to me? Oh, that's right, because you're fucking lazy. One day when you grow the fuck up out of your own selfish little world, you'll see how hard life really is.
/soapbox
Drive to California tomorrow afternoon to pick up the rest of my stuff that I had to leave behind when I moved to Fargo, North Dakota. Yes, if you're wondering, it really does suck as much as the movie.
There is no food culture here. None. There are no geographical features. No hills or mountains. There's hardly any fucking trees. Just flat and endless nothingness. There's really nothing to do here other than drink (which everyone seems to do), smoke cigarettes (which everyone seems to do), or smoke weed (which a lot of people seem to do). The only places that suck a little less are Bismarck (to the west) and Minneapolis to the east - which is called 'The Cities' - like it's some Mecca at the end of the known world.
Which, I suppose it is. It's the only place for probably 400 miles in any direction with any kind of culture.
Don't get me wrong, the people here are (by and large) pretty nice folks. They just don't have any concept of what life is like outside of the Fargo area.
Ah well. I'll get my fill of being a Californian again this weekend and then make the 1800 mile drive BACK again.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Worn out
In the words of Bilbo Baggins in the screen version of Lord of the Rings, "I feel like too little butter spread over too much toast."
I'm not really sure where things went sideways, but they have taken a tangible shift and I've been melancholy now for the better part of a month. I could easily trace it to several different things, but ultimately it's probably my own choice of staying this way and continuing to be miserable.
Normally I'd just put my head down, grit my teeth and just push past it. I just can't really muster up the conviction to do it this time. Time to rant a bit.
One of the things that's really bothering me is that I'm taking my time to run a D&D game for about 7 people who have never really played in either a long-term campaign or have played with DM's who have caved into their every whim. This has developed a sense of quasi-entitlement that things should be their way in order to have fun.
I don't run my games like that. However, I have bent and caved into a certain amount of pressure from my players and allowed them to unbalance a lot of stuff within the game. This has led to them debating with me on my rulings in order to get me to change them. The concept of RULE 0 is lost on all of them with the exception of the young lady who is herself a DM and one of my more vocal critics.
Let me pause by saying that I strongly believe in feedback and constructive criticism, but when (week after week after week), all I hear is that they don't like the way this was done or that was done it begins to really wear someone down emotionally and mentally - Especially when I spend the better part of 10 hours a week working on the game.
This all came to a head on Friday of last week when I made changes to a couple of the mechanics involving Stealth and Perception in my game. This was not a lightly-made change. I consulted fellow DM's that I'd been with for several years, the D&D Community at Wizards and friends. In essence, I had combined Perception to encompass Search, Sense Motive, Spot and Listen but had made it still cost the same as a single skill. Stealth covers Hide and Move Silently checks, again, at a 1-to-1 skill point cost for everyone (since I believe that everyone is able to be quiet and listen when they work at it - not just Rogue's).
As this became an immensely broken mechanic, I moved Sense Motive and Search into being their own skills. I feel that these are more fine-tuned and need to be their own entities and not mixed in with the other 'lumped' skills.
Outrage broke out from the far end of the table and continued on for most of the night by the young lady who is also a DM. It would get more vocal at some points and then turn to muttering under her breath that she didn't agree with it. So, in order to try to reign things in, I explained the difference (according to the Player's Handbook) between Spot and Search. This didn't really do anything to curb the problem and I grew increasingly frustrated through the night that I needed to defend my ruling to my group instead of them respectfully accepting my ruling.
It came to a head when the party found out that they could scout above the map in the rafters area. I was chastised for not telling them that before, as it was apparently my duty to be their "eyes and ears" and provide them with these details (without them asking for them). I snapped at the whole table and told them that no, it was THEIR duty to ask these questions proactively and survey the lay of the map. I was under no responsibility to help them play their characters.
This brought Ms. DM up from the other end of the table telling me that she didn't want to start an argument about it - which to me is a giant cop-out and a phrase that is, by its very nature, meant to be inflammatory and meant to encourage such things. To which I responded, "You ARE starting an argument. I am frustrated enough with everything going on in my life right now. I am the DM and I don't need to justify my rulings to you guys. I expect them to be respected just as I would do for you if you were running a game!"
At which point I felt my adrenaline pounding and I just sighed and started closing files on my laptop and told them that I'd give them XP for the night and would be calling the game. At the insistence of several of the other players, I continued to run in depressed frustration. I skipped entire planned encounters and let them have the kill of a Dire Bear without anyone rolling a single die. I felt utterly defeated as a DM. At the end of the night I handed out the treasure they would've found and left.
Now, one of the NPC's that they've grown fond of has been kidnapped by a Drow Priestess that the party will come to absolutely hate in every sense of the word. She is the first smart villain that they have encountered thus far. They gained a new one; we'll see how it works out.
In the wake of my frustration, the party moved onto the next module in the campaign and bypassed a greater majority of the 2nd level of the Stedding (and another 1-3 levels). This is going to put them dangerously behind the 8-ball. This has put things in a precarious position; they're not quite tough enough to go toe-to-toe with Frost Giants, but they're going to get their chance. They'll either die here in this module or survive to go on and progress to G3.
I've spent the past three hours or so including various encounters in the Glacier, adjusting DC's, removing magical items that I feel they shouldn't have (Ring of Three Wishes), adding traps at bottlenecks, and lastly the fate of their NPC Paladin.
But, I digress. I'm worn out. Emotionally. Mentally. It's a short week for me, thankfully - I have Thursday and Friday off to just curl up and relax and try to de-stress a bit. I feel like a failure in just about every aspect of my life right now. 35 and buried under bills. Not married, but working on it. Can't even afford to buy a house with my fiance. I'm going nowhere in my job and seem to be one of the forgotten employees that will sit and always give 200% and remain in limbo.
Hell, even my closest friends are telling me that I'm a failure in my relationships, as a DM, and my poor attitude at work makes me a failure. So, there it is. I'm a failure in just about every aspect of my life. It's pretty nice to have that on your shoulders going to bed and waking up every day.
Well, to those of you who do bother to read this thing (as I seem to have 25 page views), thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings.
I'm not really sure where things went sideways, but they have taken a tangible shift and I've been melancholy now for the better part of a month. I could easily trace it to several different things, but ultimately it's probably my own choice of staying this way and continuing to be miserable.
Normally I'd just put my head down, grit my teeth and just push past it. I just can't really muster up the conviction to do it this time. Time to rant a bit.
One of the things that's really bothering me is that I'm taking my time to run a D&D game for about 7 people who have never really played in either a long-term campaign or have played with DM's who have caved into their every whim. This has developed a sense of quasi-entitlement that things should be their way in order to have fun.
I don't run my games like that. However, I have bent and caved into a certain amount of pressure from my players and allowed them to unbalance a lot of stuff within the game. This has led to them debating with me on my rulings in order to get me to change them. The concept of RULE 0 is lost on all of them with the exception of the young lady who is herself a DM and one of my more vocal critics.
Let me pause by saying that I strongly believe in feedback and constructive criticism, but when (week after week after week), all I hear is that they don't like the way this was done or that was done it begins to really wear someone down emotionally and mentally - Especially when I spend the better part of 10 hours a week working on the game.
This all came to a head on Friday of last week when I made changes to a couple of the mechanics involving Stealth and Perception in my game. This was not a lightly-made change. I consulted fellow DM's that I'd been with for several years, the D&D Community at Wizards and friends. In essence, I had combined Perception to encompass Search, Sense Motive, Spot and Listen but had made it still cost the same as a single skill. Stealth covers Hide and Move Silently checks, again, at a 1-to-1 skill point cost for everyone (since I believe that everyone is able to be quiet and listen when they work at it - not just Rogue's).
As this became an immensely broken mechanic, I moved Sense Motive and Search into being their own skills. I feel that these are more fine-tuned and need to be their own entities and not mixed in with the other 'lumped' skills.
Outrage broke out from the far end of the table and continued on for most of the night by the young lady who is also a DM. It would get more vocal at some points and then turn to muttering under her breath that she didn't agree with it. So, in order to try to reign things in, I explained the difference (according to the Player's Handbook) between Spot and Search. This didn't really do anything to curb the problem and I grew increasingly frustrated through the night that I needed to defend my ruling to my group instead of them respectfully accepting my ruling.
It came to a head when the party found out that they could scout above the map in the rafters area. I was chastised for not telling them that before, as it was apparently my duty to be their "eyes and ears" and provide them with these details (without them asking for them). I snapped at the whole table and told them that no, it was THEIR duty to ask these questions proactively and survey the lay of the map. I was under no responsibility to help them play their characters.
This brought Ms. DM up from the other end of the table telling me that she didn't want to start an argument about it - which to me is a giant cop-out and a phrase that is, by its very nature, meant to be inflammatory and meant to encourage such things. To which I responded, "You ARE starting an argument. I am frustrated enough with everything going on in my life right now. I am the DM and I don't need to justify my rulings to you guys. I expect them to be respected just as I would do for you if you were running a game!"
At which point I felt my adrenaline pounding and I just sighed and started closing files on my laptop and told them that I'd give them XP for the night and would be calling the game. At the insistence of several of the other players, I continued to run in depressed frustration. I skipped entire planned encounters and let them have the kill of a Dire Bear without anyone rolling a single die. I felt utterly defeated as a DM. At the end of the night I handed out the treasure they would've found and left.
Now, one of the NPC's that they've grown fond of has been kidnapped by a Drow Priestess that the party will come to absolutely hate in every sense of the word. She is the first smart villain that they have encountered thus far. They gained a new one; we'll see how it works out.
In the wake of my frustration, the party moved onto the next module in the campaign and bypassed a greater majority of the 2nd level of the Stedding (and another 1-3 levels). This is going to put them dangerously behind the 8-ball. This has put things in a precarious position; they're not quite tough enough to go toe-to-toe with Frost Giants, but they're going to get their chance. They'll either die here in this module or survive to go on and progress to G3.
I've spent the past three hours or so including various encounters in the Glacier, adjusting DC's, removing magical items that I feel they shouldn't have (Ring of Three Wishes), adding traps at bottlenecks, and lastly the fate of their NPC Paladin.
But, I digress. I'm worn out. Emotionally. Mentally. It's a short week for me, thankfully - I have Thursday and Friday off to just curl up and relax and try to de-stress a bit. I feel like a failure in just about every aspect of my life right now. 35 and buried under bills. Not married, but working on it. Can't even afford to buy a house with my fiance. I'm going nowhere in my job and seem to be one of the forgotten employees that will sit and always give 200% and remain in limbo.
Hell, even my closest friends are telling me that I'm a failure in my relationships, as a DM, and my poor attitude at work makes me a failure. So, there it is. I'm a failure in just about every aspect of my life. It's pretty nice to have that on your shoulders going to bed and waking up every day.
Well, to those of you who do bother to read this thing (as I seem to have 25 page views), thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings.
Monday, March 5, 2012
First post
Ever have a dream where everything is really vivid, but you're utterly alone?
Yeah, had one of those last night. I dreamt I was in space aboard some enormous ship (think the size of a city, but I was alone. After wandering around the ship alone for weeks, I figured out that everyone who had once been there was gone and that I had propelled myself almost two million years into the future.
Everyone I knew or cared about was gone. I had no clue how to work the ship and had to settle for trying to find out what happened to everyone in my life. I remember dreaming of sitting in a hallway in the ship looking out a window as we passed by a sun and remember the golden glow that made everything look really orange where I was sitting.
I was watching some video thing that was playing in front of me like it was a movie where I could see everyone happy and having fun and wondered if they'd forgotten about me after I left. My parents looked happy and worry-free as did everyone else that I'd ever known or cared about.
When I finally woke up, I was just left with this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I get that it's a Monday, but sheesh, does it have to start out like this?
Yeah, had one of those last night. I dreamt I was in space aboard some enormous ship (think the size of a city, but I was alone. After wandering around the ship alone for weeks, I figured out that everyone who had once been there was gone and that I had propelled myself almost two million years into the future.
Everyone I knew or cared about was gone. I had no clue how to work the ship and had to settle for trying to find out what happened to everyone in my life. I remember dreaming of sitting in a hallway in the ship looking out a window as we passed by a sun and remember the golden glow that made everything look really orange where I was sitting.
I was watching some video thing that was playing in front of me like it was a movie where I could see everyone happy and having fun and wondered if they'd forgotten about me after I left. My parents looked happy and worry-free as did everyone else that I'd ever known or cared about.
When I finally woke up, I was just left with this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I get that it's a Monday, but sheesh, does it have to start out like this?
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